In Acts 16:16-40, Paul and Silas were wrongly humiliated, severely beaten and then thrown into prison. Somehow, they found the strength to offer a sacrifice of praise to God. I can only imagine what I would want to do: curl up into a ball and ask God why He allowed me to fail and why He allowed me to have so much pain. Surely God would not allow me to be beaten if He is a God of love. Plus, I was doing what He called me to do in the first place. I would pity myself.
Somehow, Paul and Silas praised God. I don’t believe that God anesthetized their pain. I believe they suffered through the pain and praised God until the pain became bearable. That is the challenge we face: living the pain and suffering until it becomes bearable. When praise is the LAST thing that comes naturally to us and we choose to worship Him anyway, we’ve just had the privilege of offering a genuine sacrifice of praise.
The pain in my life over the past few years has been depression and anxiety. God has taught me to praise Him even though that is the very last thing I’ve wanted to do. I remember sitting on my front porch and telling God that I didn’t believe He could exist because there is no way He could be a loving God and allow me so much despair and anguish. But, I reached beyond what I felt and did what I knew. I thanked God for the day even when I couldn’t get out of bed to see it. I thanked Him for my job even though the thought of going there caused every symptom of a heart attack. I thanked Him for my children, even though I feared them. I thanked Him for my husband who was about the only thing I really was thankful for. I sang to God. I danced before God. I smiled at the world. In my peer review from work were things like “she is always so happy and brings peace to the department” “she is level headed and does not become overly excited at stressful situations” “she helps us to feel relaxed and happy”. These all came during my deepest period of anxiety and depression! When my husband had to drive me to work because I was afraid to drive, when I would spend my lunch hour hidden in an unused room crying, when each time I entered a patient’s room my heart would feel as if it were bursting through my chest. This is not faking peace or happiness, this is grabbing a hold of what you can’t feel, but knowis there. It is the evidence of things unseen. It is FAITH that God is there and that He loves you. The change in my life was not instantaneous. God did not see a child struggling and drop a flash of joy down into my life. Slowly I crawled out of my pit of hell and I can now FEEL God again. But when I begin to notice the signs of depression or dispair or when my heart starts to pound and I feel like running away, I stop and immediately thank God for His goodness. I KNOW that I will survive. I may again decend into that deep dark pit of dispair, but even though I may not feel God’s presence, I will praise Him and know He is there. I will continue to offer my sacrifice of praise to Him.
